“I’m just not that into you….”

He said sadly with dragging breaths between his words

“You’re just not my type….”

The open ended manner of that statement left pieces of my soul dead

“I can be her…” I thought to myself, the woman you dream of daily

Can I nurse your heart back to health?

But my beauty is unconventional and unlike many others and the statement

“Not pretty enough” often invades my mind, why can I just look like someone else?

God when your paint brush was forming what I look like why did you make me ugly?

Ordinary?

Uneventfully not beautiful…..

What would that feel like? 

To have men fawn on me daily?

My DMs stay on full?

Instead I’m a nerd who just gets laughed at

The not good enough, always behind, never ever able to be “the one” 

My conventional corniness will never get me the dream guy

Never the sweet guy

Never the thoughtful guy

Never the consistent guy

Beauty gets you those things right?

I get sex

Left overs

Read but never responded to text messages

Tons of orgasums but never flowers

Never commitment 

Never happily ever after

They say that beauty fades well I’m jealous

I want beauty now

Because internal beauty has never gotten me anywhere but hurt