Emotional Walls

I want to let you in

I’m ready

And you don’t have the time

Time is precious when something is new and beautiful

You see these walls?

They’re not meant to keep you out

They’re there to protect me

From feeling to much to soon

Sometimes loneliness takes over and I have to be reminded

That love doesn’t live here anymore

In a state of healing I can’t let love in

The truth is love doesn’t love me

Emotional walls that are thick and cold

Tall and wide

I don’t want you here

Yet here you are at my gates

Persistent as ever

Your smile captivates me

I get moist while lost in thoughts of your lips caressing mines

No…. I can’t

Gate closes

Lights off

Emotional walls keep you and your feelings from here

Because I know what would come next

I’d fall for you hard

Then you’d come back and give me an excuse of why I’m not the one

My heart ripped yet again from my chest

A pain I can’t continue to put myself through

Only to watch the object of my affections discard my emotions like yesterday’s garbage

But I can’t

Because when I love men flee

When I love it’s always unrequited

One sided

Empty

Void

Emotional walls are barriers

To keep me from falling in love with you

To keep me from day dreaming about your last name and my first

To keep me from wondering what making love to you for hours would feel like, taste like, sound like….

You have all the capabilities of being my King

But I can no longer trust my heart to fate

Only to pull back nothing

Walls are up

I’m here now where I know it’s safe

And my heart is yet again untouched

Lovely bones

Boy don’t you know I’m the shit?

Right down to my soul

My bones are blessed and lovely

Boy don’t know I don’t put with just anything?

My crown sits here because I’m worthy of it I’m lovely down to my bones

My heart is fierce with passion

Fruit is sweet with never ending nectar

You maybe fortunate to taste if you’re good

Don’t you know I revolutionize lives?

You won’t leave the same man you were in the beginning of our affair

I will make you piss excellence

You will have to fully become a King to even breathe my air

No peasants here

Hold your head up high and I’ll have you believing you’ve always been the shit

Why? Because I’m lovely down to my bones

I’m not without flaws

That’s my charm

Why do I smile so?

Because I live my life without borders

Without barriers

Without walls

I live in color

I live outside the box

I’ll have you believing that you are the man I see within

Potential is what I love to see

Drive is even sexier

Especially when you’re spelling it out between my womanhood waterfall

Wondering now why you’re sprung?

You passed on me with some bitch with have a brain that you discovered has no edges and now you want back in?

No can do because you just be dumb to leave a real woman for something beneath

How can I say that?

Because I’m lovely down to my bones

Now that you know how and why

To catch me you must be pretty authentic

Genuine and charming

Romantic and kind

Please remember I’m not one of these bitches with low self esteem and I don’t accept everything

Why? Because I’m lovely down to my bones

Pretty hurts

I want to be pretty…

No beautiful

I want to be desired

Chased after

No one notices the nerd

No one notices the woman who is constantly frien zoned

I’d give anything to be openly pursued

Wanted

Desired

Will I die alone?

Because pretty girls get handsome men

I get the weird

The awkward

Guess it serves me right

I want to be pretty

God why did you make me ugly

Brown skin

Nappy hair

I’d give anything to know what it’s like to be light skinned

Desired

Chased after

Coveted

God why did you make me awkward

Funny yet shy

I feel like the only time men want me is for sex

So I sleep with them

Because maybe if I give them what they want they’ll give me what I need

But I’m forgettable

Dear God why am I ugly?

11 minutes

I adore your existence…

I whispered in his ear

The smell of his cologne invaded my personal space on the train platform

11 minutes is all I had to see him this day

Us in transit between jobs

My lips craved him as he got off the train

His eyes big and brown but tired

Life has worn on him in the worst way today

I kissed his cheeks and forehead

Are you okay?

He shook his head yes but I knew that pain

11 minutes was all I had to fill his heart with my love for that day

Tongue slipping in and out of his mouth

My lips on his neck

Teeth on his ear lobe

Hugging him tightly to feel my embrace

I can’t take away the pain but maybe I can numb it for those few moments love

The hard work

The sacrifice

The people who didn’t appreciate his heart

I can hear the train coming I whispered

One last kiss goodbye

I’ll see you tomorrow when our schedules allow our paths to cross once more

I adore your existence I whisper in his ear

And just like that it was over

His cologne still on my dress

Me hoping the scent of him is embedded into my skin

Art in motion

I am art in motion

Feelings out loud

Pain that screams

Feelings unheard by many

I’ve pulled back my layers

Exposing all my cards

Is this what it looks like when you go insane

The hills we never think about they will take care of themselves

But the valleys? They will change your existence

There is something about starting over

That just when rock bottom seems to low

God plants you in the dark

Seeds they spend the beginning stages of something new in the dark

Roots must go deep before it can become a tree that grows tall

Never be afraid to be alone

To strip yourself of all the baggage

I had designer baggage

I wanted it to be name brand

I wanted it to be expensive

Oh, and it was

It cost me everything

No one cares about the clothes

When the soul is empty

No one cares about the sex

If it’s meaningless

No one sees the pain in healing

Only the results

So now there’s a cast around my heart

So this time it can heal

No more partial emotional surgeries

Just to lay back down in the same trash

Because this canvas has been painted

With colors of wonder

Of tears in healing

Of a soul in pieces

Of a heart once in love

Broken Pieces

Fucking you didn’t help me find myself

Marrying you didn’t help me feel whole

Loving you didn’t take away my pain

Trying to find feelings in fucking is always a dangerous combination

Yet I scream with my fist raised that I’m deeper that just meaningless sex

But somewhere between orgasms and I do’s I discovered that giving pieces of myself always doesn’t make me whole

It makes me stupid

Stupid to think that healing is between my thighs

Stupid to think that I could heal you from your pain with my love

Stupid to think you’d pick me when I’ve never picked myself

Stupid to think giving pieces of myself away would result in a whole soul

Is in here empty

Void of all emotions

Asking God for healing

Because the reality is….

I’m broken

All the walls I’ve built have been destroyed

A perfect foundation to rebuild myself

This journey has just begun…

If the sheets could talk

If the sheet could talk

They would speak of the multiple orgasms that were made here

Somewhere between maturbatory admission and climaxes we found utopia

If the sheets could talk

They would speak of the way our bodies entwined each other for hours on end

How there isn’t an inch of skin on your body that I have licked, sucked or kissed

If the sheets could talk

They would speak of the multiple languages I’ve learned when my fountain is being drank from

Water over flowing everywhere

If the sheets could talk

They would speak of the multiple times you begged me to stop and I would continue on inch by inch

Of us covered in perspiration of climaxes and us sticking to each other’s skin

If the sheets could talk

They would speak of how you always took your time

Always eager to please but never in a rush

Walls then coated in my screams of your name backwards and forwards

Of me running from the pounding that is sure to have me beating my high score

Of fantasies fulfilled

Our bodies at peace with the work we’ve done

Until the next time our flesh calls out for each other and lust is to much to bare

If the sheets could talk……

Journey

I am on a journey

A journey not just of self discovery but of healing

The little girl inside of me as ached for far to long

I have attempted to bandage her with relationships, career aspirations and money

I’ve attempted to quiet her cries as I sleep at night

The truth is she needs to be healed and affirmed for me to free

You can only take a deaf ear to her cries so many times before it starts to manifest itself in your everyday life

And even though Lord my heart has cracks, bandages, and has patches sewn on it to be whole it is here

Knowing that only your grace be mercy mixed with times perfect recipe can be the ones to heal my pain

To be whole? I have never thought of such an idea because it seemed unreachable

And this journey has never been about me, it has always been about her….

Fall

Can I free fall?

Off anything I’ve ever known to be true about love

Can I love the pieces of your soul?

Your soul the place where your heart flourishes and all the pieces of you dwell

Can I jump without a parachute?

Feel my heart racing to the bottom because I know what’s there

I want the love I have for you in all the small pieces of my being to cry your name loudly for the love I feel for you

Passionately kiss me

Make love to me as if the world has stopped

Let’s lay in bed all day talking about your dreams and I can cover you in kisses

I’m falling hard

But I don’t want to fall on my face

Trying to bellow out words that my lips can’t form to….

I’m falling in love with you

That easy and that complicated

That moving yet that still

Here’s my heart and if you’d just hear me out

So that I can feel as if I’m falling again but into your arms

Butterflies enter into my stomach when you look my way

Take me

Love me

Cherish me

The way I love and cherish you

Take my hand

Can we fall together?

Can we talk?

Can I tell you what a complicated melody you are?

Fortress of solitude and it is my main objective to get to the core of who you are?

May I kiss you?

Kiss away pain, mistakes, failures and hardships?

When we make love I feel as if the world has stopped

In between breaths and long deep strokes

Eyes rolling in the back of my head and the only thing that comes out are love noises

Passionate, raw and real

Can I wake up to you each morning?

In the middle of your complications as a man let me rebuild those spots and help you push forward

May I carry your last name?

As we take a journey to forever

Deeper than love

More important than respect

Our love is metaphysical in all its layers

Take my heart for safe keeping

And in return I want yours so I can tuck it away safely and I promise it won’t be abused

I love you deeply

I adore you spiritually

I long for you physically

Come now so that our love can stop time

I’m ready ♥️

Honey Comb King

To my honey comb king dripped in liquid gold

Your hair spouts from your head wildly as your smile is sunshine to my day

Your existence bright like the sun is the humectant to my panties as you kiss me in uncharted territories

Pull me into your ocean because I can swim and drown me into uncharted waters of your heart, emotions, feelings, wants and desires.

Can I taste you? Fresh honey on my biscuit, fresh honey in my tea, fresh honey in my hair, fresh honey on my skin

Honey comb king planted like an oak tree in the deepest of woods

Wisdom beyond stupidity

Balance beyond common sense

Let me place my hand to your heart

Now breathe

Deeply and let the pain out

I can carry the heavy stuff

Breathe

I can handle the emotional things

Breathe